/* This JavaScript (Random Quotes) developed by Scott Clark
The Source is available at http://www.clarksco.com/blog/
Copyright 2005 Clark Consulting */

var num_of_quotes = 105;
quotes = Math.floor (num_of_quotes * Math.random());

if (quotes==0) { body="A beer short of a six pack."; }
if (quotes==1) { body="A brick short of a load."; }
if (quotes==2) { body="A couple of eggs shy of a dozen."; }
if (quotes==3) { body="A couple of gallons short of a full tank."; }
if (quotes==4) { body="A few ants short of a picnic."; }
if (quotes==5) { body="A few beers short of a six-pack."; }
if (quotes==6) { body="A few bricks short of a pile."; }
if (quotes==7) { body="A few bricks short of a wall."; }
if (quotes==8) { body="A few cards short of a deck."; }
if (quotes==9) { body="A few clowns short of a circus."; }
if (quotes==10) { body="A few feathers short of a whole duck."; }
if (quotes==11) { body="A few fries short of a Happy Meal."; }
if (quotes==12) { body="A few of sheep short of an orgy."; }
if (quotes==13) { body="A few peas short of a casserole."; }
if (quotes==14) { body="A few tomatoes short of a good thick sauce."; }
if (quotes==15) { body="A few trucks short of a convoy."; }
if (quotes==16) { body="A fortune cookie short of a Chinese dinner."; }
if (quotes==17) { body="A pepperoni short of a pizza."; }
if (quotes==18) { body="A few sandwiches short of a picnic."; }
if (quotes==19) { body="About as bright as a burnt-out 20 watt light bulb."; }
if (quotes==20) { body="An experiment in Artificial Stupidity."; }
if (quotes==21) { body="An intellect rivaled only by garden tools."; }
if (quotes==22) { body="As much use as a hedgehog in a condom factory."; }
if (quotes==23) { body="As much use as a one-legged man at an ass-kicking contest."; }
if (quotes==24) { body="As much use as an ashtray on a motorcycle."; }
if (quotes==25) { body="As quick as a tortoise on Prozac."; }
if (quotes==26) { body="As smart as bait."; }
if (quotes==27) { body="As useful as a screen door on a submarine."; }
if (quotes==28) { body="As useful as a wooden frying pan."; }
if (quotes==29) { body="As useful as tits on a bull."; }
if (quotes==30) { body="Body by God, mind by Mattel."; }
if (quotes==31) { body="Bright as Alaska in December."; }
if (quotes==32) { body="Doesn't have both oars in the water."; }
if (quotes==33) { body="Doesn't have all his cornflakes in one box."; }
if (quotes==34) { body="Doesn't have all his dogs on one leash."; }
if (quotes==35) { body="Doesn't have all the dots on his dice."; }
if (quotes==36) { body="Dumb as a corn cob."; }
if (quotes==37) { body="Dumb as a stump."; }
if (quotes==38) { body="Dumber than a bag of rocks."; }
if (quotes==39) { body="Elevator doesn't quite make the top floor."; }
if (quotes==40) { body="Fell out of the family tree."; }
if (quotes==41) { body="Forgot to pay his brain bill."; }
if (quotes==42) { body="Goes surfing in Nebraska."; }
if (quotes==43) { body="Golf bag doesn't have a full set of irons."; }
if (quotes==44) { body="Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together."; }
if (quotes==45) { body="Got into the gene pool when the lifeguard wasn't watching."; }
if (quotes==46) { body="Has an IQ of 2, but it takes 3 to grunt."; }
if (quotes==47) { body="He fell out of the Stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down."; }
if (quotes==48) { body="He is so dumb, the only thing he ever read was an eye-chart."; }
if (quotes==49) { body="He played too much without a helmet."; }
if (quotes==50) { body="He's got a mind like a steel trap, rusted shut."; }
if (quotes==51) { body="He's got a leak in his think-tank."; }
if (quotes==52) { body="He's got a mind like a steel sieve."; }
if (quotes==53) { body="He's got his feet firmly planted 3 feet above the ground."; }
if (quotes==54) { body="He's not the sharpest knife in the drawer."; }
if (quotes==55) { body="He's so dense light bends around him."; }
if (quotes==56) { body="His belt doesn't go through all the loops."; }
if (quotes==57) { body="His cheese has slipped off his cracker."; }
if (quotes==58) { body="His porch light ain't on."; }
if (quotes==59) { body="If brains were chocolate, he wouldn't have enough to fill an M&M."; }
if (quotes==60) { body="If brains were dynamite, he wouldn't have enough to blow his nose."; }
if (quotes==61) { body="If brains were dynamite, he wouldn't have enough to blow his hat off."; }
if (quotes==62) { body="If brains were gasoline, he couldn't ride a moped around a fruit loop."; }
if (quotes==63) { body="If brains were taxed, he'd get a rebate."; }
if (quotes==64) { body="If he had a brain, he'd be dangerous."; }
if (quotes==65) { body="If he had another brain, it would be lonely."; }
if (quotes==66) { body="If stupid were a talent, he would be considered gifted."; }
if (quotes==67) { body="Isn't firing on all 6 cylinders."; }
if (quotes==68) { body="Isn't firing on all thrusters."; }
if (quotes==69) { body="Kangaroo loose in the top paddock."; }
if (quotes==70) { body="Like a pair of children's scissors, bright and colorful, but not too sharp."; }
if (quotes==71) { body="Million dollar body and a 2 dollar engine."; }
if (quotes==72) { body="Mind is in neutral, body is in gear."; }
if (quotes==73) { body="Mind like a rubber bear trap."; }
if (quotes==74) { body="Needing a few screws tightened."; }
if (quotes==75) { body="Not firing with all spark plugs."; }
if (quotes==76) { body="Not the brightest light in the harbor."; }
if (quotes==77) { body="Not the brightest light on the Christmas tree."; }
if (quotes==78) { body="Not the sharpest hook in the tackle box."; }
if (quotes==79) { body="Not the sharpest pencil in the box."; }
if (quotes==80) { body="Off his rocker."; }
if (quotes==81) { body="On/off switch is stuck in the off position."; }
if (quotes==82) { body="One Fruit Loop shy of a full bowl."; }
if (quotes==83) { body="One taco short of a combination plate."; }
if (quotes==84) { body="One tit short of an udder."; }
if (quotes==85) { body="One turbine short of an airplane."; }
if (quotes==86) { body="One-celled organisms outscore him in IQ tests."; }
if (quotes==87) { body="Proof that evolution CAN go in reverse."; }
if (quotes==88) { body="Requires directions to lay sod."; }
if (quotes==89) { body="Room temperature IQ."; }
if (quotes==90) { body="Running about a quart low."; }
if (quotes==91) { body="Running on empty."; }
if (quotes==92) { body="Sharp as a bowling ball."; }
if (quotes==93) { body="So dumb, he couldn't tell which way an elevator was going if he had two guesses."; }
if (quotes==94) { body="Not tied too tight to the pier."; }
if (quotes==95) { body="Strong like bear, smart like tractor."; }
if (quotes==96) { body="Takes him 1-1/2 hours to watch 60 minutes."; }
if (quotes==97) { body="The elevator is stuck between floors."; }
if (quotes==98) { body="Too dumb to pull his head in before he shuts the window."; }
if (quotes==99) { body="Too many yards between the goal posts."; }
if (quotes==100) { body="Two hub caps short of a Buick."; }
if (quotes==101) { body="Warning - objects in mirror are dumber than they appear."; }
if (quotes==102) { body="Was left on the tilt-a-whirl too long as a baby."; }
if (quotes==103) { body="Don't call him an idiot - you'll insult all the idiots in the world."; }
if (quotes==104) { body="Dumber than TWO bags of hammers."; }

document.write(''+ body +'');